Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
