you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
