i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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