Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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