the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
well you can't waste a boner
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
