Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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