Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He better not be in your backpack
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
