I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
