He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
