Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
