I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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