Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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