We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
