I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
