I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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