I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just found puke in my bra..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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