I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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