I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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