Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
