Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
