omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
