he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
