Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
my liver is dry heaving
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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