i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
