I murdered the dance floor call the cops
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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