Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
