if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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