apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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