covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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