You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
