her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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