I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
