just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
