Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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