who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
