I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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