Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize