I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
