It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize