Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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