i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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