Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
