Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
