i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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