she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
