There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
