I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
