Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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