"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
