His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
