when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
