That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
