It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
