Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
