My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
