Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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