You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
