i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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