ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
