Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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