Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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