I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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