we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
